Social masochism

[Brother]

Many people have a need for suffering. The question of why or why is very controversial; it is partly dealt with in the book "The Luxury of Systemic Self-Knowledge", partly in another book - "The Subtle Art of Nothing Care". Therefore, we will accept as a fact that someone, of course, does not have such a need, but many, nevertheless, have it, although it can be expressed with different strengths.

Such a type is very familiar to us - this is a person who is always dissatisfied with something. He may be dissatisfied all the time or most of the time, and his dissatisfaction is not related to his income level or social status. He just can always find what is wrong - the soup is thin, the pearls are small, the government is idiots or the chef is a scoundrel - it doesn't matter, the main thing is that there is a reason to be dissatisfied. It's just that such a person has a need to feel discontent or, in other words, to suffer. It is clear that a certain discontent is inherent in everyone - they are one of the reasons for our development. But for some it is more peculiar, for some - to a lesser extent, and we are talking more about the former.

Since there are not so many objective reasons to suffer in modern reality, one has to either invent or create such reasons. If you have met people who are constantly late for work, although they know that the boss hates being late, this is exactly the type we are talking about. They are somehow accidentally substituted, they are deceived, cheated, random people are rude to them and, in general, something bad constantly happens to them, which they will surely share with friends, relatives and colleagues. Moreover, in all situations, they will look like victims who could not do anything about what was happening.

It is considered quite acceptable in our society to be a failure in social life, and even honorable if presented correctly. If a person works three jobs, gets a penny and occasionally drinks - this is quite normal and few people would think to convince him that something in life needs to be changed. After all, everything has been seized, all warm places have been divided and, in general, the country has been sold long ago, so there is no point in trying to change something.

Family life, and even more so sexual life, performs a compensatory function. If a person has an excess of stress in social life, then at home he tries to lead a life as calm as possible. If he does not succeed in his career, then at home he can be a tyrant. If, on the contrary, then the house can play a subordinate role. If everything is calm and calm in social life, then scandals can rage at home - as compensation for what a person lacks in life.

And in this regard, a wife who is sawing or dominating in sex (less often a husband) can be the very source of suffering that such a person needs. If he begins to experience the right amount and quality of discontent, that is, masochistic pleasure, then he will not have the need to experience it in social life. Outwardly (and for the person himself), it begins to look as if life itself has begun to improve, it begins to be lucky in various matters and, in general, somehow everything develops by itself. It is very difficult for the people around and for the person himself to accept and believe that the whole reason for the changes is in himself, and rarely anyone in such cases can competently explain what is happening from the outside.

The problem is that very few people go this way, for two reasons. Firstly, there are not so many partners that are now needed who can nag a spouse for a long time, it takes a lot of strength for this, and it is not fashionable to behave this way. Secondly, the masochistic position in sex is socially disapproved, at least in our country, in contrast, as I wrote above, from the same position in social life.

All this ultimately leads to the fact that social masochism and, as a result, social failure, become a ubiquitous norm for many people and a habitual form of their behavior.