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Salute, speaking about the power of words, we often DO NOT remember about the non-verbal side of communication. And in some situations, the posture, gestures and intonation of the interlocutor's voice decide whether the communication will take place at all, and how it will go. The story that happened to one person is a clear example of this. He was familiar with NLP, so he noticed some characteristic details. I have tried to convey the story so that you too can notice them.
Be sure to read the article to the end in order to understand the small essence of NLP!
- Are you interested in printing?
I stopped.
To be honest, I didn't even look at this stand, but just walked in thought, looking through it. By this time, I had already wandered around the exhibition for two hours and picked up five printers with which we would cooperate, so now I was only interested in coffee.
- No thanks.
The thick bundle of advertising samples in my hands did not confirm my words. The young man defiantly held her gaze.
- Then let me just give you a folder so that it would be more convenient for you to store samples.
It felt good. I agreed and went to the stand. The consultant disappeared for a moment behind the counter, and, emerging from there with a folder, with a friendly smile handed it to me.
- Hold!
I wanted to immediately remove advertising samples in it, but I realized that I didn’t have enough hands.
- Let me help you.
He gracefully opened the folder, at the same time being on the left, shoulder to shoulder with me, and carefully placed it under my hands with samples. All I had to do was to unclench my fingers. For a moment I thought it was the most convenient folder in the world.
He carefully closed the folder with samples, and, continuing to stand to the left of my shoulder, turned the folder over and pointed to the table on its back.
- These are the prices for our services. Everything is here. - I slightly tilted my head, peering at the numbers, and mechanically he did the same.
- We will also make any sample from this folder for you in the best quality. - With these words, he carefully, like a very expensive thing, handed the folder to me. Mechanically, I took it just as carefully.
- And the timing? - I asked, showing by intonation that this was the last question.
- Our terms will delight you. Rest assured. - He put an end to his proposal with the same intonation. And once again he smiled amiably goodbye.
Until I reached the exit from the exhibition, several more times they tried to stop me by consultants near the printing stands, handing me their brochures and shouting something out. But, either they were outside my reality, or the closed folder silently said "enough", or something else ...
A week later, the boss called me and said that we urgently need three hundred thousand booklets for a promotion, the dates of which have already been set, and he wants to hear from me that there will be brochures. Going into my office, I took out a folder from the exhibition and opened it. Of all that the printing house has promised, I now only need one thing - guarantees that the materials will be ready on time. Of course, everyone always promises this, but this is not the first time I work with printing houses. Therefore, the only criterion for all guarantees for me was my trust in the company. Or, to be more precise, to her representative.
I remembered only one person, communication with whom caused a feeling of comfort and a feeling of inexplicable logic, but deep trust in him. I closed the folder and turned it over to read the phone number.
As you can see, in this story, the consultant did not have the opportunity to talk to the person to convince him to become a client. And he didn't need it. He knew exactly what he wanted, how to achieve it and did nothing superfluous. What is the secret of his success? Let's take a closer look.
In a few seconds he managed to join the human reality and remain a part of it in his memory. What did he do for this? Only one. He created a quality rapport.
Rapport is a completely NLPersky term. It means a state of unconscious trust that unites people into one system. In other words, rapport creates a kind of community between people, which makes their relationship closer and more trusting at an unconscious level. Remember how Mowgli was: "You and I are of the same blood!" The rapport carries the same idea, only at the level of unconscious neuro-processes.
The rapport is not artificial. This is a completely natural psychic mechanism, inherent in all living beings, thanks to which they understand who is "theirs" and who is "not theirs." All people (and animals) use it quite easily and naturally at the level of instinct. What NLP did in this regard was that it allowed a person to realize this mechanism and learn how to manage it, so that you can very quickly become your own with anyone.
In Ericksonian hypnosis, this mechanism is called "attaching to the client's reality," or simply "attaching."
In all NLP techniques, rapport is the number one step. This is natural, because without creating contact and trust, you simply cannot continue to work with the person. Any good communication is exactly the same. Therefore, if somewhere there is a misunderstanding or tension in a relationship, the first thing to check is whether rapport has been lost. And if it is not good enough, you can simply strengthen it, and mutual understanding will come by itself.
And in areas such as business communication and seduction, rapport is generally one of the key "tools" for achieving success. However, you probably already understood this from the given example. So how does rapport work? What is the reason for such a quick and deep connection to the client's reality?
The first thing that is needed for rapport is human attention. If you have not received the attention of a person for even a second, all your actions will pass by his rality no more than background noise. In the given example, the consultant in his first phrase pursued only this goal. And as soon as he reached it, and the client's attention for a second was with him, he used the second principle of rapport.
The second principle of quality rapport is focusing on what is reality for the client and being genuinely involved in it.
Remember, the consultant defiantly held his gaze at the thick bundle of advertising samples in the client's hands, showing that he saw his "problem", and immediately offered him a solution to this "problem". Instead of offering something of his own, he simply adjusted to what the client had, to his environment.
But, in fact, at the same stage, the consultant also fulfilled the third principle of quality rapport. Having met a refusal ("no, thanks"), he did not fight it, but gently disposed of it with a sentence beginning with the word "then." No, so no, what are the problems, then let's just go from the other side
Very often, rapport breaks when a conflict arises, and neither side strives to come to an agreement. A rapport is a single direction of movement for several people. Therefore, mutual agreement is the very nature of rapport.
The fourth principle of rapport is the most important. Without the first three, of course, he cannot exist, but it is he who causes unconscious trust. This is the principle of similarity or similarity.
When the consultant was to the client's left, shoulder to shoulder with him, and held the folder under his arms, it might seem that the main goal he was pursuing was to create comfort for the client. Such a goal was, of course, but the main goal was different. This is an adjustment.
The consultant found himself in the same position as the client, keeping his hands in the same position, and when the client tilted his head slightly, peering at the numbers, the consultant "mechanically" did the same.
Thus, the consultant coincided with the client in posture, gestures and rhythm of movements, as if showing the client's unconscious "I am the same as you, I understand you." It is such coincidences at the level of non-verbal details that cause the feeling of "oneself".
Only this should not be a one-time coincidence, but a "likeness" that lasts throughout the entire communication.
The coincidence of posture, gestures, facial expressions, and the rhythm of movements, up to the intonation of the voice, create in us the feeling that this person is the same as we are. But do not confuse this technique with full "mirroring" (which does not work so well), and even more so with parodying, which "distorts" a person's manners. Similarity means "almost."
When the rapport becomes deep enough, the unconscious manifestation of the other side of the adjustment appears - this is leading. Adjustment and leading are like two sides of the same coin - if one is leading, the other is adjusting at that moment, and vice versa. Remember how the consultant neatly handed the folder to the client, and the client automatically took it just as neatly? His unconscious automatically mimicked the counselor's behavior. At this moment, it became clear that rapport also works in the opposite direction - the client's unconscious began to adjust itself, without his conscious participation. Now we can state that the goal has been achieved, although it could have happened even earlier.
And there is also a fifth principle of rapport. This is a positive state. If in rapport behavioral characteristics are transmitted automatically and unconsciously, then the state is even more so. And, what do you think, would the unconscious of a person want to adapt to a state that is worse than his own? Of course not! And, accordingly, on the contrary, it is with pleasure to adjust to the state that is better, so that you feel better yourself too.
It is for this that the consultant smiled amiably twice, as if marking with a smile especially important moments of communication. This allowed him to convey his positive state to the client by connecting it with the presented folder and with himself. And this also reinforced the feeling of trust, and helped the client to remember the consultant better than everyone else in a week. People like the positive, what can you do ...)
Be sure to read the article to the end in order to understand the small essence of NLP!
- Are you interested in printing?
I stopped.
To be honest, I didn't even look at this stand, but just walked in thought, looking through it. By this time, I had already wandered around the exhibition for two hours and picked up five printers with which we would cooperate, so now I was only interested in coffee.
- No thanks.
The thick bundle of advertising samples in my hands did not confirm my words. The young man defiantly held her gaze.
- Then let me just give you a folder so that it would be more convenient for you to store samples.
It felt good. I agreed and went to the stand. The consultant disappeared for a moment behind the counter, and, emerging from there with a folder, with a friendly smile handed it to me.
- Hold!
I wanted to immediately remove advertising samples in it, but I realized that I didn’t have enough hands.
- Let me help you.
He gracefully opened the folder, at the same time being on the left, shoulder to shoulder with me, and carefully placed it under my hands with samples. All I had to do was to unclench my fingers. For a moment I thought it was the most convenient folder in the world.
He carefully closed the folder with samples, and, continuing to stand to the left of my shoulder, turned the folder over and pointed to the table on its back.
- These are the prices for our services. Everything is here. - I slightly tilted my head, peering at the numbers, and mechanically he did the same.
- We will also make any sample from this folder for you in the best quality. - With these words, he carefully, like a very expensive thing, handed the folder to me. Mechanically, I took it just as carefully.
- And the timing? - I asked, showing by intonation that this was the last question.
- Our terms will delight you. Rest assured. - He put an end to his proposal with the same intonation. And once again he smiled amiably goodbye.
Until I reached the exit from the exhibition, several more times they tried to stop me by consultants near the printing stands, handing me their brochures and shouting something out. But, either they were outside my reality, or the closed folder silently said "enough", or something else ...
A week later, the boss called me and said that we urgently need three hundred thousand booklets for a promotion, the dates of which have already been set, and he wants to hear from me that there will be brochures. Going into my office, I took out a folder from the exhibition and opened it. Of all that the printing house has promised, I now only need one thing - guarantees that the materials will be ready on time. Of course, everyone always promises this, but this is not the first time I work with printing houses. Therefore, the only criterion for all guarantees for me was my trust in the company. Or, to be more precise, to her representative.
I remembered only one person, communication with whom caused a feeling of comfort and a feeling of inexplicable logic, but deep trust in him. I closed the folder and turned it over to read the phone number.
As you can see, in this story, the consultant did not have the opportunity to talk to the person to convince him to become a client. And he didn't need it. He knew exactly what he wanted, how to achieve it and did nothing superfluous. What is the secret of his success? Let's take a closer look.
In a few seconds he managed to join the human reality and remain a part of it in his memory. What did he do for this? Only one. He created a quality rapport.
Rapport is a completely NLPersky term. It means a state of unconscious trust that unites people into one system. In other words, rapport creates a kind of community between people, which makes their relationship closer and more trusting at an unconscious level. Remember how Mowgli was: "You and I are of the same blood!" The rapport carries the same idea, only at the level of unconscious neuro-processes.
The rapport is not artificial. This is a completely natural psychic mechanism, inherent in all living beings, thanks to which they understand who is "theirs" and who is "not theirs." All people (and animals) use it quite easily and naturally at the level of instinct. What NLP did in this regard was that it allowed a person to realize this mechanism and learn how to manage it, so that you can very quickly become your own with anyone.
In Ericksonian hypnosis, this mechanism is called "attaching to the client's reality," or simply "attaching."
In all NLP techniques, rapport is the number one step. This is natural, because without creating contact and trust, you simply cannot continue to work with the person. Any good communication is exactly the same. Therefore, if somewhere there is a misunderstanding or tension in a relationship, the first thing to check is whether rapport has been lost. And if it is not good enough, you can simply strengthen it, and mutual understanding will come by itself.
And in areas such as business communication and seduction, rapport is generally one of the key "tools" for achieving success. However, you probably already understood this from the given example. So how does rapport work? What is the reason for such a quick and deep connection to the client's reality?
The first thing that is needed for rapport is human attention. If you have not received the attention of a person for even a second, all your actions will pass by his rality no more than background noise. In the given example, the consultant in his first phrase pursued only this goal. And as soon as he reached it, and the client's attention for a second was with him, he used the second principle of rapport.
The second principle of quality rapport is focusing on what is reality for the client and being genuinely involved in it.
Remember, the consultant defiantly held his gaze at the thick bundle of advertising samples in the client's hands, showing that he saw his "problem", and immediately offered him a solution to this "problem". Instead of offering something of his own, he simply adjusted to what the client had, to his environment.
But, in fact, at the same stage, the consultant also fulfilled the third principle of quality rapport. Having met a refusal ("no, thanks"), he did not fight it, but gently disposed of it with a sentence beginning with the word "then." No, so no, what are the problems, then let's just go from the other side
Very often, rapport breaks when a conflict arises, and neither side strives to come to an agreement. A rapport is a single direction of movement for several people. Therefore, mutual agreement is the very nature of rapport.
The fourth principle of rapport is the most important. Without the first three, of course, he cannot exist, but it is he who causes unconscious trust. This is the principle of similarity or similarity.
When the consultant was to the client's left, shoulder to shoulder with him, and held the folder under his arms, it might seem that the main goal he was pursuing was to create comfort for the client. Such a goal was, of course, but the main goal was different. This is an adjustment.
The consultant found himself in the same position as the client, keeping his hands in the same position, and when the client tilted his head slightly, peering at the numbers, the consultant "mechanically" did the same.
Thus, the consultant coincided with the client in posture, gestures and rhythm of movements, as if showing the client's unconscious "I am the same as you, I understand you." It is such coincidences at the level of non-verbal details that cause the feeling of "oneself".
Only this should not be a one-time coincidence, but a "likeness" that lasts throughout the entire communication.
The coincidence of posture, gestures, facial expressions, and the rhythm of movements, up to the intonation of the voice, create in us the feeling that this person is the same as we are. But do not confuse this technique with full "mirroring" (which does not work so well), and even more so with parodying, which "distorts" a person's manners. Similarity means "almost."
When the rapport becomes deep enough, the unconscious manifestation of the other side of the adjustment appears - this is leading. Adjustment and leading are like two sides of the same coin - if one is leading, the other is adjusting at that moment, and vice versa. Remember how the consultant neatly handed the folder to the client, and the client automatically took it just as neatly? His unconscious automatically mimicked the counselor's behavior. At this moment, it became clear that rapport also works in the opposite direction - the client's unconscious began to adjust itself, without his conscious participation. Now we can state that the goal has been achieved, although it could have happened even earlier.
And there is also a fifth principle of rapport. This is a positive state. If in rapport behavioral characteristics are transmitted automatically and unconsciously, then the state is even more so. And, what do you think, would the unconscious of a person want to adapt to a state that is worse than his own? Of course not! And, accordingly, on the contrary, it is with pleasure to adjust to the state that is better, so that you feel better yourself too.
It is for this that the consultant smiled amiably twice, as if marking with a smile especially important moments of communication. This allowed him to convey his positive state to the client by connecting it with the presented folder and with himself. And this also reinforced the feeling of trust, and helped the client to remember the consultant better than everyone else in a week. People like the positive, what can you do ...)
